I Had A(nother) Miscarriage And It Changed Things
This content was originally published as an email to my Networking Nutritionists members. It wasn’t a typical email. It was both a reflection of my personal journey and an announcement about how things were changing for me and the community I’d built.
HEADS UP: I’M ABOUT TO GET PERSONAL HERE, SO IF THAT’S NOT YOUR THING, YOU CAN SKIP THIS ONE 👇
I believe in being genuine and transparent. And so, I'd like to share a deeply personal story that led me to the decision to close the doors to Networking Nutritionists.
I woke up one morning in mid-August thinking...“I’m pregnant”
IT WAS TOO EARLY TO TEST
A few days later, my husband and I had an already-scheduled appointment with a urologist and were told that due to his previous vasectomy the results of the recent testing showed (and I quote):
“We can never say it’s impossible, but the chances of achieving pregnancy naturally are extremely unlikely.”
There I was, sitting in that appointment, thinking I was already pregnant. So, now I felt a little bit insane in addition to feeling a little bit pregnant.
I waited another week or so, questioning my sanity and being hyper-aware of my early pregnancy symptoms. Then, 5 days before my expected period, I got a faint positive on a pregnancy test. I hadn’t totally lost my mind after all.
As a couple, we began wrapping our heads around how life would be changing, and I began considering how I’d need to alter my work life to make space for pregnancy and a baby.
When our not-quite 11-year-old daughter was born, we were running a health food store and wellness clinic. I returned to work part-time one week postpartum and was full-time by 4 weeks postpartum. (Thankfully, I could bring her to work with me and also had amazing family support at work!) With our adoption placement, I worked, at minimum, half-time all the way through the transitions.
I KNEW I WANTED TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY THIS TIME
So, I met with trusted folks around me and began considering how to gently let go of some of my professional responsibilities. Whether or not to close Networking Nutritionists was a part of the discussions.
Unfortunately, just a few days after seeing a positive pregnancy test, I began to miscarry the pregnancy. Amidst the emotional and physical experience of miscarriage, I found myself juggling clients, public speaking events, my university studies, and my work in the non-profit sector, in addition to the duties of parenting and family life.
Sometimes being a woman is a wild thing. And although it wasn’t my first miscarriage, this experience was wild for me. There remains a societal expectation that women keep these experiences quiet and not let them affect our ability to work.
I recognize I have responsibilities to so many different groups of people, none of whom I want to let down. But, to be having such a deeply profound internal experience, while exhibiting normality as my external experience, felt completely misaligned. Because it was completely misaligned.
WHAT I’VE LEARNED
So, although I won’t be giving birth just before my 35th birthday… this experience has made me question my life in big ways.
What is it that truly matters to me?
How can I shift my daily routines to reflect my values more fully?
What do I need to let go of to make more space for the people and things I cherish the most?
The fact is, I value depth not breadth. I value authentic connections. I value simplicity. I value my health.
I desire a life I can push pause on when needed. I desire a life with more blank spaces.
And I can live my day-to-day in a way that better aligns with these values and desires.
REFLECTING ON WHAT TRULY MATTERS
After much reflection on what truly matters to me and seeking alignment with my core values, I came to a decision that felt right and necessary. I closed Networking Nutritionists. Please know that this decision was made with clarity and confidence.
Our journey began on November 1st, 2021, and while it was an incredible experience, it will conclude on November 1st, 2023.
The relationships I built with Networking Nutritionists members have been deeply rewarding. The offerings in this community that have fed my soul the most have been the times I had the opportunity to get to know our members on a personal level, with depth and nuance.
As such, I’ll continue to offer small group and one-on-one coaching and "pods" to a maximum of 12 nutritionists.
I'm profoundly grateful for the time shared building and nurturing the Networking Nutritionists community. My experience was transformative and expansive in more ways than I can count. Yet, it was time for it to come to an end.
I had a miscarriage, and it changed things. So, I must practice what I preach, and live my values, thrive in work I love, and to feel my best while I’m doing it.
